margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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