I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
