the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Randomize