I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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