she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
