bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize