Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
