So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize