i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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