The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
