Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
