Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
