my mouth tastes like poor choices
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
