Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
