Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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