The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
