doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
