hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
