all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
