I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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