youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
