I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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