I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize