hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
