so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize