Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
