Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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