youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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