My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
