Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
