I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
