I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
