Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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