Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
