she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
