if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
