I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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