So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize