dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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