the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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