Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
