ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
