I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
