i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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