i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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