xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You are a genius and a whore.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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