my room smells like sperm. sweet.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i out mim tonsoeep
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