He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
