Only a mothe r could love this liver
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
