it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
