My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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