You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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