Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
