Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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