Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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