I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize