I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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