Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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