I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
