I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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