you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
