why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
