So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
