i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize