I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
