No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
