I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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