Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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