I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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