Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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