Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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