i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
