dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
