I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
