Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
