I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
