I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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