No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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