He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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