why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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