Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ttyl tear gas
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
