Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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