you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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