you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
