yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize