I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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