it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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