Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
