im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
