That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
