I got chris browned last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
