I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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