just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the condom got lost in my hair
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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