True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize