I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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