She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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