i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
