how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
