she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
