I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
