There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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