I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
