it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
