Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
