3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You've changed since you got that strap on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
