I look better un-naked...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
