We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
