Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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