Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
