Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
