Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You need a sexual gate keeper
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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