Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize