I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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