well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
