The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
