Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize